SCOTTSDALE, ARIZONA – Researchers confirmed Friday morning that that other band, you know, the one you’ve been thinking about all week, will probably beat you at the contest tomorrow. The study, conducted by University of Arizona, showed that despite having your best rehearsal of the season last night, that other band will probably win and their success will most definitely reflect your own failure as a band director and as a person.
The study also showed that even though you’ll probably beat that other band (who totally has a way bigger budget and like, an army of parents helping move their equipment) in Percussion and Visual, you will more than likely lose Music Effect and Color Guard by two tenths of a point or some bullshit like that.
The research also revealed that that other band in no way struggles with the same problems that yours does and you’re the only band director feeling insecure so you should probably just, I don’t know, pull out of the show tomorrow or something?
Perhaps most surprising is the studies finding that the kids probably won’t remember all that body work you added in last night during the drum solo, but thats ok. You can tell them in warm-up tomorrow that, “We’re not going to do the body work during the drum solo. I repeat. We will NOT do the new body work during the drum solo today. Do what you’ve always done and we’ll work on it next week.”