LA CROSSE,WI – Sources confirmed early Monday morning that Blue Stars rookie Matt Cooper, 18, has made it 13 consecutive days without showering. Mortified at the thought of others seeing his twig and berries, the first year mellophone player and never-nude has reportedly avoided cleansing himself nearly two weeks into spring training camp.
“He smells like a hot, dirty diaper filled with ricotta cheese”, gagged Corps Director Russ Gavin.
Fellow Blue Star members have reportedly tried to mask Cooper’s scent with a careful mixture of Frebreze and AXE Body Spray.
Prior to the 2017 season, the record for longest period without showering went to first year weiner-shy Colts member Derek Franklin in 2002. An intervention staged by friends cut his tenure short following the discovery of black mold on his lower back.
At press time, a timid Cooper was reportedly seen entering the mens locker room donning a bathing suit and water shoes.