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Bass Tech Realizes He Can Never Retire

According to family members, 46 year old bass tech Tyler Wagner has come to the realization that he will never be able to retire. Sources say that the Crestridge High School battery technician was contemplating his future for the very first time when the soul crushing revelation washed over him.

Wagner, who has no other discernible skills, reportedly spent the last two and a half decades working at the high school he gradutaed from. Insiders report Wagner was daydreaming of settling down sometime in the next ten years when the gut wrenching thought that he had never held a stable job in 46 miserable years occurred to him.

“I’ve made a huge mistake,” said Wagner, who will now be teaching Eight On A Hand to 14 year olds well into his late 80s.

Family members say Wagner could have easily fulfilled his passion for music part-time. “Please get him out of my house,” begged Wagner’s 72 year old mother Barbara.

When asked for comment, sources say Wagner was researching online nursing programs that he will never apply for.

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